Bearings

As I talk to my parents by phone I'm aware of age taking its toll. My father who was once strong and active is slowly pulling in and getting tired easily. When I talk with him, I mask the worries about his health and talk instead about the weather. I try to stay focused on things he can easily converse about and things he can physically do. I talk about how maybe when it gets warmer in Wisconsin he can get back outside again. He and my mother had an active routine of going for long walks. As my father's Alzheimers has progressed he seems to tire much more easily than he used to. My mother told me that even when they go to the mall to walk inside in the warmth he now often says, after only a short time, "I'm ready to go back home".

I've witnessed that on tough days when my teenage daughter struggles with kids making mean comments to her that she comes home at the end of the day and just wants to go to her room. I was struck the other day when she told me that some kid at her school called her a Mexican. I sometimes forget that she is one of only two Asian kids at her school. In this modern age with so many racially blended families, we are still dealing with pockets of prejudice against people who are different from us. It's tough enough to be a teenage girl with all the social pressures put on them by bullying and trying to fit in without the pressures of race. Sometimes she just gets tired and wants to go home. To her room surrounded by the things she knows to get her bearings.

As I was driving the other day I was deeply focused on a problem from work. Not the best thing to be doing while driving. Suddenly I looked up and was lost for a moment not knowing where I was. I began to panic a little. I quickly got my bearings and moved on but I was keenly aware of how fragile my control is over my sense of reality. My father is watching his world disappear and he struggles to keep his bearings. My daughter is moving from childhood into her teenage years and is struggling to keep her bearings. When I am overwhelmed by problems with work and family life and I struggle to keep my bearings.

In this turbulent time it seems no matter what our age, we are all struggling with getting our bearings.

Moonlighting

I haven't posted in this blog in almost 2 years. Part of that was a self imposed exile because of too many things going on in life to try to keep the blog going. In other ways I was also finding that I imposed a certain restriction on myself to not make any statements about faith or my observations on life because they might be misinterpreted while I served on certain boards or were engaged in certain civic projects. I've missed writing and feel like I'm ready to start poking my head back up, looking around, and trying to sort through the things I see in life, work, and faith by putting them into a written form. I know that a couple of my friends have been after me to get back into the writing mode. Thanks for the encouragement and I'll be posting again soon.

Michael