Success Leadership and Mountaintops

We've had such a wonderful response to Les Mis.  People are raving about it and congratulating the theatre on such a great production.  One of the staff told someone that I was basking in the praise.  If you know me you know that nothing can be farther from the truth.

I am reminded of Jim Henson and comments he made after the film The Dark Crystal opened.  He and his design team had spent 5 years working on this project.  They literally lived, ate and breathed nothing but the Dark Crystal for over 2 straight years.  They all went to the premiere and it received rave reviews.  Everyone was buzzing about the film.  The design team all looked at each other after the premiere and then said- Ok where do you want to go eat?

It's kind of like that for me in the theatre.  I can pour every ounce I have into a project and then once it opens I'm a little lost.  I've completed the project and now I'm kind of at loose ends until the next challenge begins.  A friend of mine called me a workaholic.  I guess that is true in some ways.  Unless I'm creating I'm not sure what to do with myself. I'm already looking over that next hill to see what lies out beyond the horizon.

I also know that I'm a big fish in a small pond.  It is so easy to get filled with your success and self importance that you lose sight of what is important.  The old saying Cream rises until it sours is a constant refrain in my head.  Have I risen to the top and when will I know when I've started to believe in my own self importance more than the larger goals.

Like the Dark Crystal story I know too that fame is fleeting and fickle. It can give you that mountain top experience when everyone loves your work but you are listening to the little voice in your head that says- 2 months from now when the next show opens I have to prove myself all over again.  It reminds me of the journey of faith.  You never get to stay at the mountain top!  You are always on a journey towards it and when you arrive at one mountain top you look over and there is another one that you have to climb.  Moses lead the Hebrews to the promised land,  he could see it, he could almost get there but because he broke the tablets he was not allowed to enter it.  I sometimes feel that way.  I can direct and design and lead a cast of people to the mountain top.  I just can't seem to get there myself.  I'm always leading from the front and then walking to the back to make sure everyone else has made it before I walk back to the front and set out for the next part of the journey.

I think that too often the mainstream religious movements depict heaven as a place you get to and stay there forever in some sort euphoric dream.  This may come as no surprise to people who know me, but I can't imagine such a place.  Maybe that is why I always turn to the scripture in the bible about the futility of success and the vanity that life brings.   You can build huge monuments to the life you lived.  You can have a smashing success in the shows you produce.  But you can't take it with you to quote a play title.

Living through the middle of my 50's and watching my physical and mental abilities start to be affected by aging has been a humbling experience for me.  I can look at people I've known for years and have to search my brain to think of their last name.  My brain which has always been for me a rock solid foundation is now tentative and sometimes hard to focus.  My physical ability to climb ladders and pull all nighters to get a show done robs me of so much energy that it now takes me days to recover instead of hours.  Watching my once strong and proud father succumb to Alzheimer's disease as it robs him of his memories and his body weakens to the point that he must depend on others for his most basic needs is humbling.  I know that someday I might be in the same position and it humbles me to know how fleeting this sense of accomplishment and success are.  

One of my personal challenges is how to  learn how to enjoy the mountaintop while I'm here.  To allow myself to breathe and savor the sweetness of success.  To sit down in the shade of a tree and rest.  To refresh and to find the calmness even though I know I will have to get back up and start lead again.

Success is a difficult thing for me to process.  A french philosopher once said.  I don't believe in heaven for myself.  I believe in it for all of my family and friends without hesitation, but for me I can't see that I will ever make it there.  I will always be on the journey striving to get there.   For the moment the cast, crew and orchestra of Les Mis have earned a well deserved success.   I want them to live in this moment and soak it in with all the accolades they deserve for an incredible job well done.  I want them to rest and refresh and to know they have made it.

I'm trying my best to rest and not to feel at loose ends while looking off to the horizon wondering if I am up to the challenges that lie around the next bend in the journey.