clean slate

Some days I find myself thinking- what else? What else can we undergo right now? We've seen two ice storms and a hurricane in the past year. Almost every family I know has seen a casualty from the economic recession, depression, whatever you call it. Now this flu pandemic has the potential to bring our entire world to a standstill.

Last year the Red Cross held a disaster planning seminar. I would have attended it if we didn't have a show going on that weekend. I know that we need to plan for what to do when essential services are interrupted and weather related emergencies. But how do you plan for a pandemic? When no one wants to go out in public. What will theatres, restaurants, sport events, churches and schools do if no one wants to attend? How do you plan for that? You've still got essential services- the roads are open, the electricity is still on.

Yesterday as I was setting up the sound equipment in the studio theatre I felt the building rumble and tried to decide if it was just a large truck passing by or an earthquake. I couldn't help but think -An earthquake? Why not? Everything else is happening.

At times I can't decide if it is a human emotion to just want it all to go ahead and happen. To get all the bad stuff right now and get it over with. Then you can start to rebuild. To move forward knowing that the worst is past. I've often thought about my feelings when I see a weeks worth of "disaster news networks" programming about a hurricane or the pandemic coming. Is it weird of me to just want it to hurry up and happen? For a hurricane to go ahead and hit us with all its might and then be over with? Maybe it is the unknown that unsettles me more than the known.

Family health issues, the economy, all the stuff in life that you worry about and lose sleep over. I've always been a kind of worst that can happen guy. I think of all the catastrophic things that can happen and move on into the next chapter of the story. A good play sets a course for conflict. It reaches a climax and then there is a resolution. Maybe that's what I'm missing in our world today. It seems that we are always stuck heading toward a climax but there is never a resolution.

We all want that resolution after the climactic moment of the play to get to the happily ever after moment. I find that more and more people have less patience with the struggles of life. In the rush to get a resolution they buy the fastest way to get through a problem. Maybe this is even a part of my thinking wanting the big "bang" to hurry up and happen because I'm growing weary of the buildup.

Some days after I sit and look at all the financial spreadsheets, the brainstorming sessions, the articles and books written about how to face the challenges ahead- I still don't have answers for the problems. I just want to start again with a clean slate. In one of my play writing phases of life I worked for almost a year on a play only to learn that the real story was about 10% of what I had written. I really struggled with the fact that I could have a mediocre play and keep the 90% I had worked on or throw it all out except the 10% and begin again with a better play.

I keep finding myself at moments in life wanting a fresh point to begin from. To quote from Shakespeare Julies Caesar (or Star Trek- Wrath of Khan) "Cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war!" If we are going to get hit with war and disasters and depressions. Then lets get to it, so we can resolve it and start with a clean slate.

Then again maybe I'm just cranky today....