Stop Drop and Roll

When I arrived home last night from work at about 8pm my wife and daughter were cuddled up asleep under a blanket watching television. I spoke to them for a few minutes and then heard a strange noise. I walked into the kitchen to investigate and found our yellow lab on her hind legs happily eating the blueberry muffins that were baked a couple of hours earlier out of the baking tray sitting on our stove. Then I followed a trail of chewed and ripped paper towel and toilet paper all the way down to the dogs crate. Apparently she had gotten bored and decided to go in search of something she could chew on. A swirl of anger and frustration only grew as I discovered more and more of Goldies adventures. I opened the back door and let the dog out in our invisible fenced yard so that I could clean up the mess without the dog trying to "help". It also gave me a chance to lower my blood pressure.

I find that phrase "lowering my blood pressure" to be more valuable the older I get. I don't suffer thankfully from high blood pressure which seems to run in my family. But I can feel myself at times of stress with this feeling, like steam, rising inside of me and going to my head making it feel like a pressure on my brain. At those times I can't help but think of that old fire prevention saying- stop, drop and roll. I try to stop. Drop the feelings that are building and take a walk.

The other night as I talked with family about how my father is doing after his accident we talked about the depression that he is experiencing. I discovered something about myself. I don't know if this is what makes me a better "theatre" person or not. I have a very strong ability to feel the emotions of others. To put myself in their position and see life through their eyes, to feel many of the same feelings that they are. I will confess that lots of movies make me tear up. Hearing a very emotional song can have the same effect. Watching someone else or reading about someone else or even imagining a situation can deeply affect me physically. My chest gets tight. That lump in the throat becomes very real. I can access deep emotional feelings connected to the pain or joy of others. When it comes to my own feelings however those tend to be much harder to access. I don't think I have the John Wayne syndrome that I grew up with. But I do find that when I face deep problems I go into a problem solving mode. What needs to be done. What are all the possible issues that will affect the decisions that need to be made. My brain locks into "solve the problem."

As I age I find myself like many others moving into a new place in life. In the past couple of months my family has dealt with the loss or impending loss of relatives. We have dealt with aging and disease issues. I don't know how I feel about all this but I certainly am aware of how others feel. At times I think it is a gift to be able to experience how other people feel and translate that into a plays characters or my writing. At other times I need to stop, drop, and roll. Or as my friend Jody likes to remind me- breathe, just breathe.